Embarking on AoLs

I had a skype chat with Adesola today, presenting my preliminary AoL titles.  It was great to have this conversation: it illuminated much for me in terms of  what I need to consider so that I may build my AoLs.

My first hurdle was understanding that, as a dancer, my experience has manifested mostly through  body work.  I should expect to undertake translating my experience:  it has been embodied and I need to find a way to articulate it and now have it manifest through words.  This will be part of my processes from here on in.

 I must be explicit.  I understood as well that to be broad when identifying my learning is not necessarily useful.  It will be problematic if my example is so broad that I could have just read about it without actually having lived it as an experience.  When flushing out my AoLs, I should point to specific experiences, and consider what I learned.  Indicating, for example, 'communication' as something I know about is not enough.  What about communication?  How does it manifest in my work, specifically?  How is that manifestation indicative of my knowledge or learning?  (I read about this in the Module One handbook but, for some reason, it didn't make sense in the way that it does now, post-conversation with Adesola.)  For me this underscores the importance of dialogues - through skype or through blog posting and responses - as they have the potential to compliment and expand my / our understanding of subjects covered in the course.

Something else that was exciting that I hadn't really considered (!) was doing research related to my experience.  This idea of embodiment is an interesting one.  How have other people been thinking about how dancers, for example, have a capacity to (visually) identify the physical manifestation of an internal experience?  Adesola and I were discussing my teaching and she was asking, "how do you know if someone is doing a plié right?" and my answer was that I know because I have done thousands of them.  What theoretical evidence is there that supports the idea that the experience of doing something enough implies knowledge, or knowing.  How does that work?  I am looking forward to diving into this research.

I have my list of AoLs and my next step is to write an initial paragraph for each using the following questions:

1. What have I learned?  (NB: not the end result)
2. Site a specific experience
3. Theories related to the learning: researching what others have articulated about this type of learning

Adesola also mentioned the importance of selecting appropriate ways of discussing specific types of learning or knowledge;  ensuring the form matches the content.   As an example I could say that it would be unwise to discuss my learning about budgeting based on how I feel when I do it.  Budgeting is matter of fact.  Money comes in and money goes out and you account for that movement.  My inner experience has no bearing on my learning or knowledge of budgeting.

Something that I have learned from my dance experience will serve me well in this assignment, and that is trial and error as an approach.  I have few qualms about making drafts and revising drafts (though at some point down the line efficiency will be more of a factor).  Processes really are more interesting than end results.  Looking forward to diving in.

Reflective Exercise - Module One Handbook p. 35: Communication and Scheduling

Slowly settling back into my life after my study period in Austria, I am learning and noting and keeping track of the work to do for this degree.  The workload already feels a little overwhelming.  Reading the handbook I keep thinking "what?", as though the words and indications on the pages are encrypted and what I need to undertake is their decoding so that I may do the work.  I have decided to not stress out and to take the instructions at face value:  they mean exactly what they mean.  (After all, who would create a curriculum that needed to be decoded before it could be completed?  Maturity and a belief in logic are beautiful things.)
....

I thought I would complete another exercise, this one from page 35 of the Module One Handbook, Reflective Exercise.

I had a thought while considering a short list of experiences that might be suitable for my eventual AOL assignment, which was all the administration work that I have been doing the past ten years to support my work as a professional independent dance artist and teacher.  Lots of research to seek out jobs, contact with potential employers, workshop-taking to increase my visibility and skill set, scheduling, and, perhaps most importantly, learning how to communicate.

Communication, in terms of how it has manifested in my line(s) of work, is comprised of and requires reflection of the following:

• understanding what am I capable of: skills to do the job, desire, time in schedule, etc.
• understanding what my employer is offering: what is the job?  What will be expected of me (ability-wise, in what time frame, etc.)
• understanding my personal goals, artistic or otherwise, long and short term: what do I want to experience?  
• understanding how work opportunities can support my goals: aligning my expectations
• gathering information about my coworkers: with whom am I embarking on projects?  How do they approach work, where are they coming from, what do they expect, what are their values and considerations? 
• how will my role, communication style, etc. impact and / or have to adapt to each work scenario that I find myself in?

I think that about sums it up.  Of course, I am changing as an artist and person with some frequency so naturally I assume that this list is in flux: little amendments are happening all the time.

Okay, back to the reflective exercise.  A work related e-mail exchange that occurred yesterday is the subject.

Date: October 15 2015

Nature of learning event: (frequently these occur when our expectations are not met and a situation develops differently from how we expected) 

I received an e-mail from an employer regarding scheduling for a rehearsal and show period in spring 2016.  The schedule was not confirmed and this e-mail was seeking to gather our availability.  I am reminded from this experience that scheduling is, without fail, always challenging and full of compromise.  I know it is important for me to acknowledge what I need schedule-wise to do my job well (with consideration for the realities surrounding the project), and to communicate those needs with sensitivity to the people in charge.  

What were your expectations and what actually happened?
I had previously blocked off a few weeks worth of time for the contract period.  I was expecting to receive a proposal for specific rehearsal and show times.  Generally speaking, for paid work (meaning my participation in projects that have a budget), rehearsals fall within the hours of 12pm and 6pm, and shows require a commitment from 5pm to 10pm.  The e-mail proposed rehearsals from 6pm-9pm.  It was indicated in the e-mail that the reason for this was because one of the dancers had another work commitment during the day.

So:

• I know that everyone working on this project is an independent and therefore have other work commitments.  
• I am getting a little older and now find myself in a phase of wanting to engage more deeply in fewer projects. 
• Not all my coworkers share my values where scheduling and work and engagement are concerned.

At this point in time I feel pretty unwilling to rehearse at night.  In my experience, these are the least productive and most dangerous (think injuries) hours to be rehearsing.  I thought of two options to counter propose: rehearsal in the morning, between 9am and 12pm, or hire the understudy.  

Explain why the incident developed differently from your expectation:
Previously I have been less willing to make proposals of this nature because had I understand my role as being that of an employee.  Weighed against the reality of the situation: 

• I have been working for/with this employer for over a handful of years 
• we have developed a means of communicating effectively our values with one another
• I have a clear sense of what I need to do this job well  

I trust that my employer understands that I am interested in contributing to the best possible outcome, and that my proposals are indicative of this interest.

She wrote to the group of collaborators and passed on my proposals.  

How will you handle similar situations differently in future?
I will likely handle future situations in the same manner, where my communication is concerned.
I will likely not embark on future projects with the coworker for whom this e-mail exchange was aiming to accommodate.  It feels harsh writing it down but, these things happen all the time, and it's not about 'such and such person isn't a good employee', it's about understanding what I need and communicating that to my employer.  Transparency in the workplace can be a good thing.

Any other learning points: 
I can't control outcomes but I can impact them by the information that I offer regarding my own capabilities and desires.  I am more likely to accept outcomes, even if they are not my ideal scenario, if I have made those things clear.
I never learned these things in professional dance school.  I am not confident they would have been absorbed or understood even if they were.  It has taken me - literally - my whole career up until now to be able to do what I did.

That's it!

Gibbs Reflective Cycle: practical experiment in using a template

It is my first time learning in the framework of an institutional course in over a decade.  I dropped out of University as an undergrad to pursue full time dance training at The School of Toronto Dance Theatre (STDT).  There were few written assignments.  Most of the work was what I would refer to as 'practical': studio classes, hands on learning, or learning by doing.

It is not surprising to me then that my inclination of approach for my first attempt to written work would be a practical one.  Reading through the Module 1 Handbook I see that there are a few examples of how to approach reflection in writing.  The Gibbs Reflective Cycle is the most appealing to me, as if seems the most straight forward and is the template I can most easily visualize my information being slotted into.  (Which I have identified as an important factor for me when making choices.....  can I visualize it working....)

So, initial experiment for reflection, reflecting here on - why not? - my experience as a student in the full time professional dance training program at STDT:

1.Description 
Describe as a matter of fact just what happened during your critical incident or chosen episode for reflection.

• From 2001-2004 I was a full time dance student in a post-secondary conservatory style institution.  It was a three year program, each year involving roughly the same number of classes per day - 3.  We would have a modern class (usually Graham technique, though we also did Limón and a bit of Horton), a ballet class or contemporary class (technique or improvisation), and then repertory class (rehearsing works for the school's bi-annual shows).
• The faculty was comprised mid-career (mid-thirties) to mature, active and non-active professional dance artists or choreographers.  I use active and non-active to distinguish between individuals who were still 'making' in some sense or other dance, versus the non-active people who I likened to those professors I had as an undergrad who had tenure, and who seemed to be doling out outdated information.
• The student body was small: about 60 students in total, roughly 20 per year / level.
• The school was located in Toronto, one of the larger Canadian metropolitan areas.  
• The school arranged discounted tickets for the few theatres in town that programmed national and international dance.

2.Feelings 
What were you thinking and feeling at the time?
At first, the Graham technique was laughable.  I didn't get it: I had been doing ballet for years, had probably gotten as far as could with the technique given what I had access to, and therefore thought I knew a lot about what it took to be a dancer.  I made the assumption that Graham would likely not facilitate further technical development.  I wasn't open to it.  Later, in my second and third years as a student, I loved it.  As with anything done in depth, you discover richness.  Big favorites were the 'and' count and the dynamic it facilitated, and the permission the technique gave to insert drama and emotion into execution of daily class exercises.

Contemporary and ballet classes were technically unchallenging for me, because I had had so much ballet training.  'Been there, done that' could best describe my feeling.  I also wondered why I wasn't moved to upper year versions of these classes, given that I perceived myself often as being able to work above the level that I had access to.  This was never possible, which disappointed me.  Again, as I progressed through the years I found challenges in the techniques, such as the more diverse use of the upper body and floor work.

I had, by third year, developed a problem with involuntary facial tension while I danced.  I attribute this now to my wanting to do better and be better manifesting itself, and for wanting those desires to be visible to my teachers and peers.  I wonder sometimes if this happened because there simply wasn't enough opportunity for me to 'do', so I instead strategized to 'show'.  There are a few moments where having more to 'do' made this facial tension problem disappear.  One was an intensive period of Skinner Releasing Technique classes, about three weeks' worth.  It was a completely new and unfamiliar approach to moving with many exercises comprised of specifically guided participations and actions.  I think this made a huge difference for me.  I was challenged and there was no room for 'showing': I was too engaged by 'doing' all of this new and exciting work.

At the end of my third year I was freaking out.  I had no outside sign and little inner confidence that my dancing would extend beyond my time as a student.  Would I ever get a job?  It didn't seem like it.  I felt like what I needed was one of the faculty to say "Hey Alanna, you've got something to offer, you'll be okay in the field.  An opportunity will come, don't worry."  There were two people who had offered something to this extent, but as they were not positioned to give me a job, it didn't count in the way I needed.  They were Sarah Chase, Canadian choreographer and solo performer, and Fiona Griffiths, theatre based improvisation and bodyworks / states teacher,  (she was outspoken in a pleasurable kind of way, and I remember her as someone who spoke to us like peers, like people who had important information and who were experiencing valuable things.)  On that note, there is a way that those who have more experience (maybe inadvertently) devalue the experience of amateurs by giving off that sense of 'I've experienced that before, therefore your experience matters less'.  It makes the amateur or student feel shitty and like they have less to offer because their experience is not unique.  This is something I question in my own teaching:  how to give value and leave space for the experience of others in the classroom. 

3.Evaluation 
List points or tell the story about what was good and what was bad about the experience.

• At times not feeling challenged by the curriculum, and seeing little opportunity to rectify that feeling.
• Feeling that the lack of being challenged contributed to other negative or un-useful outcomes, in my case, facial tension
• Unlike university, having access to active professionals and working within a smaller student body meant more personalized attention and relevant information
• A very community oriented curriculum meant little knowledge of the dance world outside of Toronto and Canada.  This was problematic for looking ahead to and planning for post-school employment in the workplace as a dance artist.
• Tenure-type teachers often had less useful information.  It seemed their positions were more about professional colleague loyalty than our learning.  This seemed problematic.
• Little competition in the school meant missing information about where I stood.  I see competition as a practical way of (immediately) knowing how you're doing, and how you can improve.  I think there is a distinction between 'competition' and 'playing favorites'; one leaves room for improvement, the other does not.
• Emphasis right away on the importance of a commitment over time would of been useful.  Maybe this was offered and I simply cannot remember.  I think it is important for a student to consider that they will develop over time: not everything needs to be accomplished at once, not everything will make sense immediately, and just because there is a necessity to develop does not negate the possibility of existing abilities and skills. 

4.Analysis 
What sense can you make out of the situation. What does it mean?
Well, I think it means that there is no perfect scenario.  There were definitely elements of my training that offered me a lot.  It is not reasonable to expect an institution to deliver it all.  Thinking about how I, to this day, adhere to the value of looking long term, there were clearly some things that I was not meant to discover and experience in my time at STDT, that I was to come in contact with them later.  This is not meant to be a fatalist point of view but rather a realist one: you just can't accomplish everything all at once.  

5.Conclusion 
What else could you have done? What should you perhaps not have done?

• I could have instigated more conversations with the faculty members about my concerns, to see if they were warranted or for strategies for how to deal with them.  
• I could have made a more clear (perhaps written) assessment of my needs and developed a plan for how to tackle them.

6.Action plan 
If it arose again, what would you do differently? How will you adapt your practice in the light of this new understanding? 
Keep assessing what I need and find ways to meet those needs.  
I acknowledge there is much about the workings of this type of training institution that I don't know about and don't understand.  Perhaps at some point it would be interesting to compose a list of questions, based on my experience at STDT, and arrange a meeting with a director of that school or a similar institution.  It would also be great to arrange a meeting with a the director of the dance program at Concordia University and ask about the program's values, aims, and action plan.

Quick and Dirty: a list of up till now

Starting with today and working back, I am making of list of landmark dance related experiences.  The aim is to get out what I can, send it into the blogosphere, and expand upon it later.

• Oct. 2015: Begin a training group - Training with Alanna - as a way to engage with a diversity of performing artists (age, discipline, experience) in a weekly training practice.  I am testing out a theory I have about the importance of having a 'home base' for training.  Link to Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/1610546209206676/

• Sept. 2015: one month in Salzburg training with Linda Kapetanea and Jozef Frucek in Fighting Monkey Creative Practice.  Four weeks, five days a week, six hours a day.  Link for more on their approach:  http://rootlessroot.com/fighting-monkey/news

• May 2015: application to continue teaching at Concordia University's Contemporary Dance Dept. denied.  Consideration given to how I should proceed with studying dance teaching.  Lead to MAPP as interesting option to keep things moving teaching-wise for me.

•  2004-2008: Training with Peter Boneham at Le Groupe Dance Lab.  This time will be referred to a lot.  A lot.  A pertinent moment in my professional career.  Peter still teaches at a pre-professional school in Ottawa, Canada.  I always try to take class with him when I can.  Link to more information on Peter: http://www.artsalive.ca/en/dan/meet/bios/artistDetail.asp?artistID=86

• 2001-2004: Pre-professional contemporary dance training.  I was coming from having studied film for two years at University.  Moving to this school, with a student body of sixty, was a welcome change.  Modern technique training for the most part, access to active professionals, no preferential treatment from the faculty.  Looking back, a few questions: when should curriculum be updated?  Is there room for ability to be recognized and pushed?  What are the goals where building and maintaining such a program are concerned?  Other important factors?  Link to the school's website:  http://schooloftdt.org

A few statements:

Certain dance classes are so engaging they ruin your openness and ability to train with different people, and in other approaches.
Training / class has the potential to inform - informs -  what people do in creation / rehearsal.
You need to be smart to be a dancer.

~ak