Gibbs Reflective Cycle: practical experiment in using a template

It is my first time learning in the framework of an institutional course in over a decade.  I dropped out of University as an undergrad to pursue full time dance training at The School of Toronto Dance Theatre (STDT).  There were few written assignments.  Most of the work was what I would refer to as 'practical': studio classes, hands on learning, or learning by doing.

It is not surprising to me then that my inclination of approach for my first attempt to written work would be a practical one.  Reading through the Module 1 Handbook I see that there are a few examples of how to approach reflection in writing.  The Gibbs Reflective Cycle is the most appealing to me, as if seems the most straight forward and is the template I can most easily visualize my information being slotted into.  (Which I have identified as an important factor for me when making choices.....  can I visualize it working....)

So, initial experiment for reflection, reflecting here on - why not? - my experience as a student in the full time professional dance training program at STDT:

1.Description 
Describe as a matter of fact just what happened during your critical incident or chosen episode for reflection.

• From 2001-2004 I was a full time dance student in a post-secondary conservatory style institution.  It was a three year program, each year involving roughly the same number of classes per day - 3.  We would have a modern class (usually Graham technique, though we also did Limón and a bit of Horton), a ballet class or contemporary class (technique or improvisation), and then repertory class (rehearsing works for the school's bi-annual shows).
• The faculty was comprised mid-career (mid-thirties) to mature, active and non-active professional dance artists or choreographers.  I use active and non-active to distinguish between individuals who were still 'making' in some sense or other dance, versus the non-active people who I likened to those professors I had as an undergrad who had tenure, and who seemed to be doling out outdated information.
• The student body was small: about 60 students in total, roughly 20 per year / level.
• The school was located in Toronto, one of the larger Canadian metropolitan areas.  
• The school arranged discounted tickets for the few theatres in town that programmed national and international dance.

2.Feelings 
What were you thinking and feeling at the time?
At first, the Graham technique was laughable.  I didn't get it: I had been doing ballet for years, had probably gotten as far as could with the technique given what I had access to, and therefore thought I knew a lot about what it took to be a dancer.  I made the assumption that Graham would likely not facilitate further technical development.  I wasn't open to it.  Later, in my second and third years as a student, I loved it.  As with anything done in depth, you discover richness.  Big favorites were the 'and' count and the dynamic it facilitated, and the permission the technique gave to insert drama and emotion into execution of daily class exercises.

Contemporary and ballet classes were technically unchallenging for me, because I had had so much ballet training.  'Been there, done that' could best describe my feeling.  I also wondered why I wasn't moved to upper year versions of these classes, given that I perceived myself often as being able to work above the level that I had access to.  This was never possible, which disappointed me.  Again, as I progressed through the years I found challenges in the techniques, such as the more diverse use of the upper body and floor work.

I had, by third year, developed a problem with involuntary facial tension while I danced.  I attribute this now to my wanting to do better and be better manifesting itself, and for wanting those desires to be visible to my teachers and peers.  I wonder sometimes if this happened because there simply wasn't enough opportunity for me to 'do', so I instead strategized to 'show'.  There are a few moments where having more to 'do' made this facial tension problem disappear.  One was an intensive period of Skinner Releasing Technique classes, about three weeks' worth.  It was a completely new and unfamiliar approach to moving with many exercises comprised of specifically guided participations and actions.  I think this made a huge difference for me.  I was challenged and there was no room for 'showing': I was too engaged by 'doing' all of this new and exciting work.

At the end of my third year I was freaking out.  I had no outside sign and little inner confidence that my dancing would extend beyond my time as a student.  Would I ever get a job?  It didn't seem like it.  I felt like what I needed was one of the faculty to say "Hey Alanna, you've got something to offer, you'll be okay in the field.  An opportunity will come, don't worry."  There were two people who had offered something to this extent, but as they were not positioned to give me a job, it didn't count in the way I needed.  They were Sarah Chase, Canadian choreographer and solo performer, and Fiona Griffiths, theatre based improvisation and bodyworks / states teacher,  (she was outspoken in a pleasurable kind of way, and I remember her as someone who spoke to us like peers, like people who had important information and who were experiencing valuable things.)  On that note, there is a way that those who have more experience (maybe inadvertently) devalue the experience of amateurs by giving off that sense of 'I've experienced that before, therefore your experience matters less'.  It makes the amateur or student feel shitty and like they have less to offer because their experience is not unique.  This is something I question in my own teaching:  how to give value and leave space for the experience of others in the classroom. 

3.Evaluation 
List points or tell the story about what was good and what was bad about the experience.

• At times not feeling challenged by the curriculum, and seeing little opportunity to rectify that feeling.
• Feeling that the lack of being challenged contributed to other negative or un-useful outcomes, in my case, facial tension
• Unlike university, having access to active professionals and working within a smaller student body meant more personalized attention and relevant information
• A very community oriented curriculum meant little knowledge of the dance world outside of Toronto and Canada.  This was problematic for looking ahead to and planning for post-school employment in the workplace as a dance artist.
• Tenure-type teachers often had less useful information.  It seemed their positions were more about professional colleague loyalty than our learning.  This seemed problematic.
• Little competition in the school meant missing information about where I stood.  I see competition as a practical way of (immediately) knowing how you're doing, and how you can improve.  I think there is a distinction between 'competition' and 'playing favorites'; one leaves room for improvement, the other does not.
• Emphasis right away on the importance of a commitment over time would of been useful.  Maybe this was offered and I simply cannot remember.  I think it is important for a student to consider that they will develop over time: not everything needs to be accomplished at once, not everything will make sense immediately, and just because there is a necessity to develop does not negate the possibility of existing abilities and skills. 

4.Analysis 
What sense can you make out of the situation. What does it mean?
Well, I think it means that there is no perfect scenario.  There were definitely elements of my training that offered me a lot.  It is not reasonable to expect an institution to deliver it all.  Thinking about how I, to this day, adhere to the value of looking long term, there were clearly some things that I was not meant to discover and experience in my time at STDT, that I was to come in contact with them later.  This is not meant to be a fatalist point of view but rather a realist one: you just can't accomplish everything all at once.  

5.Conclusion 
What else could you have done? What should you perhaps not have done?

• I could have instigated more conversations with the faculty members about my concerns, to see if they were warranted or for strategies for how to deal with them.  
• I could have made a more clear (perhaps written) assessment of my needs and developed a plan for how to tackle them.

6.Action plan 
If it arose again, what would you do differently? How will you adapt your practice in the light of this new understanding? 
Keep assessing what I need and find ways to meet those needs.  
I acknowledge there is much about the workings of this type of training institution that I don't know about and don't understand.  Perhaps at some point it would be interesting to compose a list of questions, based on my experience at STDT, and arrange a meeting with a director of that school or a similar institution.  It would also be great to arrange a meeting with a the director of the dance program at Concordia University and ask about the program's values, aims, and action plan.